If you command me to do something that I was already planning on doing the chances of me doing that thing automatically drop to zero
Disney Princesses as sloths.
If you ever feel like you’ve screwed up, just remember that in 1348 the Scots thought it would be a good idea to invade England because the English were weakened by the Plague. They subsequently caught the plague themselves, went back to Scotland, and killed half their own population.
So I accidentally said, “my crotch has a hole in it.” Instead of “my pants have a hole in them.” And this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered
"It’s called a vagina."
how can lawyers argue without crying
if i went into a courtroom i’d be all
now you fucking listen here you little cumslut
"he has been found guilty”
"HA IN YOUR FUCKING FACES, BITCHES."
Bruce Wayne watched both of his parents die.
Tony Stark has heart problems and anxiety.
Peter Parker saw his uncle being murdered.
Steve Rogers lost his best friend.
Bruce Banner attempted suicide.
If they can save the world, you can get through this day.
Never stop fighting.
In order to become the supreme adult, you must perform the seven wonders:
- Public speaking
- Not being afraid of teenagers
- Calling the doctor yourself
- Arguing without crying
- Having a normal sleep pattern
- Having an answer to the question ‘what do you want to do with your life?’